The Means of Survival
by orchadeia
Summary: A lone survivor named Lauren stumbles upon a prison overtaken and destroyed by both humans and walkers. She is confronted by the previous occupants and decides to help them look for a lost member. After experiencing death and devastation, she is on the fence about being with others. She must learn to trust again if she wants to keep her humanity and if she wants to truly survive.
1. No Sanctuary

I suppose I should wash my face; the dirt is so caked on, I've forgotten what the skin underneath looks like. Running and rolling through the muck and mud has created an Earth-made mask over my exterior. A few strands of my hair were layered in soil, and clay clumped other strands together. I suppose a hairbrush would be nice too.

I need to rinse the wounds scattered all over my body. I receive scabs and scraps so often; it's unusual for me not to have them. The feeling of being battered has been stitched into my core. I rub one of the healing injuries with the tip of my finger and that caused it to re-open. The red stain slowly oozed out and covered the surrounding flesh. I grimaced at the faint searing pain. I let my arm fall to my side and began walking.

It wasn't long before I came across a stream. The water poured over the rocks and miniature ledges. It was narrow and quiet, which I was thankful for. I dipped my fingers in the water and gently rubbed them over my opened scab. The water dripped into the gash and washed away a small bit of dirt. I removed my shoes, which were sturdy and stained, and set them beside the thin creek. I placed my feet into the shallow water and let the sediment engulf them. The wet sandy substance felt good against my aching feet and callouses.

I kneeled close to the water without getting my bottoms wet. I submerged my arm under the water and felt the tender currents scour my cut. I lifted my arm out of the water and inspected my injury. It was still bleeding but it was much less painful. I cleansed the rest of my wounds and placed my shoes back on my feet. Before I left, I scooped water into my hands and scrubbed my face quickly. I followed the river downhill because I was curious if it pooled out into a lake or pond. The further I went, the thinner the stream grew. I had been walking for a couple minutes when I was blinded by a glare. I walked faster; there was no point in wasting my energy by running.

The scrawny stream poured out into a large pond that was on the outside of prison fences. I smiled gleefully, appreciating that I had easy access to water. I subconsciously thanked whatever or whoever was watching over me. I let out my breath and the corners of my lips turned upwards and I laughed briefly. I scanned the prison and saw that most of the fences were destroyed, and dozens of bodies were scattered on the ground. Dozens of walkers were roaming around inside the abandoned yard. I moved closer before stopping in front of something that made my stomach churn.

A severed head lay lifeless on the thick grass. It was an elderly man with white hair tied back into a ponytail. Blood was splattered in his beard and a thick stream of blood ran down the side of his face. I had the feeling that he was beheaded before he turned. This sight made me feel sympathetic towards his family, if he had any left at the time this occurred. I looked at the prison again and realized that they were attacked. I noticed the tank near the entrance of the building, which explained the trampled fences. It wasn't my first time showing up late to discover something like this.

I wondered if the attack had purpose. Maybe there was a justified reason? But I knew better than anyone that there was no good reason. There was no justification; other than someone's thirst for revenge. I inched closer to the demolished gate and observed the bodies, which I now knew to be human. My eyebrows furrowed and I opened my mouth.

Before I could speak to myself, I heard the familiar _click _of a gun being cocked. I shifted my position and slightly turned my head sideways. I waited for a command or question, but when the owner of the gun didn't speak, I turned and looked over my shoulder. There was a group of fourteen people, plus an infant, standing along the tree line.

"Dad, don't —" A younger boy said, but was interrupted by a man who placed his hand on the boy's shoulder. The man stepped in front of the boy, still aiming his gun at me.

"Don't worry," I said to the boy. He looked confused at the statement. "I understand." I waited for the gunshot, but I was surprised when I wasn't pierced by any bullets.

"Do you have any weapons?" The man asked, lowering his gun. I remained quiet. "Toss 'em on the ground." He ordered me, but I refused. I began to back away slowly but I saw an alarmed expression on every member in the group.

"I don't want any trouble. I'll leave." I started to turn, and then I remembered something. "Have you seen a girl? She's got long blonde hair and she's around eighteen years old." A short-haired brunette woman fidgeted and adopted a look of remorse. "Her name is Beth." The group stirred anxiously and the brunette woman approached me.

"Did ya know her last name?" Her voice strained.

"It was Greene, I think. She talked about her sister Maggie and a baby… I can't remember the name." My eyes drifted to the baby. "She said her home was attacked, and her dad was murdered…" The puzzle connected within my mind. "Was this where it happened?" I asked after realizing I was standing next to her father's head. The woman nodded sorrowfully, ignoring the tears forming in her eyes. Another man stepped forward and embraced her. She hugged him as she wept.

"Do you know where she is?" She managed to say after being calmed down. I nodded. "Could ya take us? Or at least show us?"

"I can show you where she is. But those people that had us…" I trailed off.

"Who were they?" A crossbow wielding male inquired with a gruff voice.

"Well, when I was walking back to the place I was staying at, these people in a black car pulled up and threw me into the back seat. They had me do jobs around their place and kept me in this dim room. They told me that if I didn't cooperate, I would be punished. A few days later, or what seemed like days, the door was opened and they shoved this other girl into the room with me. We talked, and I never asked too much, but she was always willing to answer. She tried to stay positive, but at that moment, it seemed hopeless. We talked about escaping when we got the chance. One night, I was wandering around after I finished the chores when I came across this elevator shaft. Long story short, I escaped and I don't know what happened to her. But I do know where she is, or was."

"Thank you." The woman smiled hopefully at me.

"What's your name?" The young boy asked. "I'm Carl. This is my dad, Rick, and my sister, Judith." He said and motioned to his family members

"Hi, I'm Lauren." I replied and his eyes looked downcast at the mention of my name. Maybe it reminded him of someone. I observed the group again and noticed all the blood they were covered in. "What happened to you all?" I asked. The man named Rick looked directly at me.

"Some people just didn't know not to fuck with us."


	2. Feels Like Home

"What happened to you all?" I asked. The man named Rick looked directly at me.

"Some people just didn't know not to fuck with us."

"Oh." I said blankly. I scanned the group, scrutinizing each member. My eyes were glued to Beth's sister, Maggie. I couldn't help but empathize with her. We've all lost people, but this is different. Beth could still be alive and I know that's eating away at Maggie. At least death provides closure. Rick took Judith from a gray haired woman and treaded back into the forest with the rest of the members trailing after him. I followed as well. It wasn't hard to tell that Rick was the "leader."

"We used to live there." Carl said after I caught up to him. I nodded. "Then…" He left the words unsaid but I had already heard the story.

"I'm sorry." I stated and looked up at his face. He had a similar injury on his cheek and I wondered if we got them the same way.

"I used to know someone named Lauren. Way before all this happened." He changed the subject, which I noticed.

"You can call me Laurie if you want." He immediately froze in his tracks and I felt guilty. Rick glared back at me and I got the feeling that I said something I shouldn't have.

We had been walking along the stream for what seemed like an hour and my feet were begging me to rest. The gray haired woman introduced herself as Carol and informed me of everybody's name. She told me that I wasn't the only new member of their group and that they had just escaped a place called Terminus. I appreciated her welcoming me, but I would have rather not learned everyone's name; I wasn't staying anyways. After she finished talking to me she moved towards someone named Daryl. They continued walking together until I stopped the group.

"We take a left on this street." I pointed out once we reached a location that I stayed at after escaping. We turned the corner of the street and I saw trash that I left behind when I camped here. I slowed up so I could travel at the back. After everyone was in front of me, I wandered over to the entrance of the building I where I slept in. I opened the door quietly and slid in undetected. The sheets I slept on were still piled up in the corner. It smelled worse than I remembered.

I heard a faint growling noise and I instantly knew why it smelled so putrid. I turned and snatched my knife out of its sheath. I strode into the back office where the sound was coming from. A female walker wearing a soil-stained and shredded dress faced the wall. I moved behind her, walking delicately. After I was close enough to reach her she began to turn. With a swift motion, my blade was lodged in her skull. I tugged it out with ease and wiped the dark liquid off on her dress. I looked up to the rotting wooden doorway to see Maggie standing there.

"I have to get something." I wasn't a part of this group but I felt compelled to explain myself, like some kid who got caught stealing candy. I brushed past her and entered the front room. The squeaking of my sneakers against the dirty white tile seemed like home. I didn't mind this building when I was still staying here, but it was too close to the place I was taken to. Even now, I didn't like being in such close proximity. I guess the group would be happy about being this near. I rummaged through the pile of sheets.

"Find what cha lookin' for?" Maggie asked, setting her bag down on the floor. "I'm gonna go get everyone else. We all need a break." I wanted to stop her from going outside; It felt like they were all intruders. That's probably how they felt when they saw me standing outside the prison. Almost immediately after she exited, she and the others came marching in one after another. I grabbed the object I hid under the sheets and stuffed it into my worn out bag.

"It's hot." Rosita said to no one in particular. She took of her hat and adjusted her pigtails.

"Well it's Georgia. And it's better than being out in the open with the dead all around us." Abraham retorted with an annoyed voice. Rosita glared at him resentfully. I could tell they had tension between them. Actually, tension was radiating off this whole group.

"It's small." Carol added, accidentally managing to agitate Abraham more.

"Some of us can sleep in the back rooms." Rick offered the suggestion as he and Carl came back from investigating the building. "We'll have to share rooms. Five people per room." I looked over to the two doors that lead to the back rooms. Tara and Glenn carried the body of the woman I killed outside. They set her down to rot out in the sun. People shuffled into separate rooms and placed their things in whichever spot they were sleeping in.

"She's sleeping with us." I overheard Rick speaking to someone.

"Rick—" Carol tried to state her side of the argument but Rick wouldn't allow her to.

"It's final." Rick walked over to me and informed me what I had just overheard. I had to share a room with Rick, Carl, Judith, Michonne, and Tyreese. Carol sauntered away and began talking with Daryl. They went to place their bags into the other back room.

Things were pretty boring from then. We all shared a can of vegetables, but I refused to eat any of it. There were too many people here and I wasn't going to be the tagalong who thinks she belongs. The darkness of the night set in fairly quickly and everyone proceeded to go to the spots that they picked. Rick led me to the room I was forced to sleep in and he pointed to my designated spot, which was across the room from his family.

After the room grew quiet, I assumed everyone was asleep. I slipped my backpack straps onto my shoulders, minding a bruise on my shoulder blade. I walked lightly and prayed that I didn't wake anyone up. The front entrance had been blocked for safety, so I carefully left through the heavy door on the side of the building. I slowly inched the door shut. I sat and slumped against the brick wall. I twirled my finger through dried up patches of grass.

"Hey." A voice crawled into my ear and made me jump. I expected the worst possible person to be speaking. She stepped forward from the shadows and the moonlight illuminated her familiar features.

"Carol, please don't do that. Ever." I pleaded with a faint smirk plastered on my face.

"Why are you out here?"

"Just needed some air." I replied nonchalantly.

"You have your bag with you."

"Yeah. I do." I didn't mean to grab it, it's just become instinct. I heard the door opening and out came someone else.

"You ready Car—" Daryl began to ask until he saw me sitting against the wall.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your midnight rendezvous." I tried to hold back my laughter. I stood and entered through the door as quietly as I could. I stood there, shutting the door so it wouldn't make a noise.

"I've already lost three girls, Daryl. I just don't want something terrible to happen to her. She's just a teenager. If Sophia were still here, she'd be around the same age…" I stopped eavesdropping and crept back into the room. I lay down in the same uncomfortable spot on the floor. Someone else in the room stirred.

I was surrounded by people, but why did I still feel so alone?


	3. Gone, Not Dead

**AN: Hello to anyone reading this. I know it's been a little while since an update so I apologize if anyone was waiting. Sorry it's so short! Feedback is always appreciated. I hope you like it :)**

I woke up in the room alone. The disgusting smell of rotten flesh had gone down quite a bit, or I had just grown used to it. I heard noises coming from the front room and I was instantly relieved that I hadn't been left behind. Footsteps approached and I wasn't sure if I should have pretended to be asleep. I decided against it.

"Hey." Carl said. I stared up at him standing in the doorway. He kept looking straight at me and I looked away. "Are you okay to go?" I nodded, grabbed my bag, and followed him into the front room. This place made me think about life before. I wondered what kind of building this was. It was a real-estate office, I decided even though there was no firm evidence. Maggie smiled at me and I made a faint grin in response.

"Alright, we're gonna head out now." Rick announced. We continued on our way to the hospital.

"So your dad, he's in charge?" I asked Carl.

"Yeah, kind of. We had a council at the prison." He informed me.

"Cool." I replied, unsure of what else to say.

"How old are you?" He asked and I shrugged. "Come on, you have to have a guess."

"I don't know… probably sixteen. I was fifteen before dead people came back to life, but who knows how much time has passed."

"Oh. Did you like school?"

I scoffed. "No."

"I wonder if things will ever go back to normal. It's been so long already. What do you think?" He asked.

"I don't think so. So many people have died." I mumbled honestly.

"Yeah…"

"So, were you friends with Beth?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"We were. She helped take care of my sister."

"She told me." I said, nodding. We didn't continue talking after I said that, but it wasn't really awkward. The group moved through the forest with a surprisingly fast pace. I had been on the road for a while, but they all seemed like professionals. Glenn passed a water bottle to Maggie and she took a sip. She stuffed the bottle into his backpack and then held his hand.

I sped up and tried to make my way to the front, next to Rick. He glanced at me once I finally caught up beside him. I was shocked at how much taller he was.

"These people are strong." I told him and he looked forward. "The people at the hospital are strong too. And there are more of them."

"We can handle them."

"I know you guys can, but should you?" I asked and he furrowed his brows at me. "There's gonna be death on both sides, so maybe not everyone should go. A few people can sneak in and find her real quick. I don't have to go; I can tell you how to find her. I understand that I'm not welcome." I waited for him to answer me or disagree with my idea but when he didn't I slowed down and walked behind him. _You cannot stay with this group_. I told myself over and over. _You cannot stay_.

The trees blocked the sun mediocrely, but it was still hot. I wiped beads of sweat from my forehead. I grabbed my water bottle and drank from the nozzle. I had it before everything. I used to go camping with my family a lot, and I always brought it. It was a filtered water bottle, so I could drink from almost any water source. The blue translucent bottle glared in the patches of sunlight.

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"I got this for you. You can use it this weekend." My dad told me, handing me the empty bottle. I thanked him and smiled. We were going camping for a couple of days with some family friends. On our way back home was when everything happened. Our neighbors pounded on our doors demanding that we let them in. We stayed together in our house for as long as we could, but we knew that our supplies were going quicker than we hoped.

"We have to leave!" My mom shouted at my dad. "We aren't safe here!"

"No, no. We can make it safe. We'll be alright." My dad tried to convince her.

"Dad, we need food." I said, trying to persuade him. He shook his head.

"No. We can't leave."

"We'll die here." She told him.

"You'll die out there! I need to protect you, and I can't if we go out there." He moved towards her and wrapped his arms around her. She cried into his shoulder while he reassured her. We eventually left the house despite my dad's wishes.

We were looking through one of our neighbors homes. My dad and I were investigating the downstairs when my mom cried out from upstairs. We both dropped what we were holding and darted up the steps. My mom was lying on the floor with a pool of blood staining the carpet around her. The walker that bit her was dead on the ground with her knife in its head.

"Oh God. No, please." My dad broke into tears and sat next to her body. She had lost so much blood already. He told me to leave the room while he said goodbye. We never talked about it. Both of us knew not to mention her, or what happened.

It was just me and my dad for a while. Looking through the hoses in our neighborhood and salvaging what we could. He thought that we should stay in the neighborhood, but I wanted to find a group. We barely talked because every discussion we had ended up in an argument. Until one night we were sleeping in someone's old living room. I woke up in the middle of the night and looked over at him. He was lying completely still.

I glided over to him and tapped him. He didn't respond. I shook his arm and he still didn't wake up. I held my fingers under his nose and felt his breath. Once I knew he was alive, I made my decision. I was leaving. I strode into the kitchen and found a dry erase marker in a kitchen drawer. I removed the cap and wrote on the dirty wall.

"Gone, not dead." I put the cap back on and tossed the marker onto the floor. I felt no guilt because I knew I was doing what was best for him. He needed to focus on himself. I didn't want him worrying over me anymore. The main reason I left was because I know I reminded him of my mom. Every time he looked at me, he thought of how he couldn't protect her.

So I opened the door and left, and didn't give it a second thought.


End file.
